Understanding Ligaw: Filipino Courtship Explained (2026)

Key Takeaways

• Ligaw is the traditional Filipino courtship ritual where a man formally pursues a woman with family involvement
• You’re not “dating” — you’re “in the ligaw stage” (big difference in Filipino culture)
• Family approval is mandatory, not optional
• Physical boundaries are stricter than Western dating
• Rushing through ligaw is the fastest way to lose her and embarrass yourself

What the Hell is Ligaw Anyway?

Let me put this in terms you’ll understand: In Western dating, you swipe right, grab drinks, hook up, then maybe meet the parents months later if things get serious.

In Filipino culture? That order is completely backwards.

Ligaw (pronounced “lee-gow”) literally means “to court” — but it’s way more formal than just buying someone dinner. When a Filipino says “manliligaw niya ako” (he’s courting me), she’s announcing you’re in a probationary period where you prove yourself worthy. Not just to her. To her entire family.

Think of it like this:

• Western dating: You’re hired, prove yourself, might meet the CEO later
• Filipino ligaw: You meet the CEO first, interview with the whole board, THEN maybe get hired

The woman’s family evaluates whether you’re:

• Financially stable enough
• Respectful of their culture
• Serious about marriage (not just looking to hook up)
• Compatible with their family values

The Ligaw Process: What You Actually Need to Do

Stage 1: Panliligaw (The Pursuit)

This is where you show romantic interest — but keep it respectful. No Netflix and chill invitations.

What this looks like:

• You message consistently (good morning, good night texts matter here)
• You bring small, thoughtful gifts when you meet
• You ask permission to visit her at her family’s home
• You show interest in getting to know her family, not just her

I’ve seen foreign guys skip this stage and go straight to “let’s hang out at my condo” — and then wonder why she ghosts them. That’s not how this works.

Stage 2: Pag-ibig (Falling in Love)

If her family doesn’t hate you and she’s genuinely interested, you enter the “getting to know each other” phase — but it’s still supervised.

Expect:

• Group dates with friends or siblings as chaperones
• Video calls where her mom randomly walks into frame (not an accident)
• Conversations about future plans and intentions
• Very limited physical contact in public

Stage 3: Pag-amin (The Confession)

This is when you formally declare your intentions — and I don’t just mean to her.

You need to:

1. Ask her directly if she’ll officially be your girlfriend (yes, this is still a thing)
2. Get her parents’ blessing (especially the father)
3. Clearly communicate you’re serious about the relationship

I’ve literally watched a 45-year-old American guy sit nervously across from a Filipino dad, asking if he could date his 28-year-old daughter. It felt medieval. But that’s the culture. Respect it or you’ll lose her.

How Long Does Ligaw Take?

Short answer: As long as it takes for her family to trust you.

Real answer: Anywhere from 3 months to over a year.

I know Western guys who think “3 dates and we’re official” is normal. In the Philippines, you could be in the ligaw stage for 6+ months before she even calls you her boyfriend.

Why so long?

Because Filipino families are extremely cautious about foreign men. They’ve heard the horror stories:

• Guy leaves after 3 months when the “honeymoon phase” ends
• Guy was just looking for cheap sex tourism
• Guy promised marriage but disappeared

If you rush ligaw, you look like one of those guys.

Modern Ligaw: How Online Dating Changed Things

Here’s where it gets tricky.

If you met your Filipina on ChristianFilipina or FilipinoCupid, you’re doing “long-distance ligaw” — which has different rules.

Key differences:

• Video calls replace in-person visits (but her family will still want to “meet” you on camera)
• Gifts are sent digitally or via delivery services
• First in-person meeting is a BIG deal (this is when real ligaw evaluation happens)
• Expectations of financial support may start earlier (be careful here — read my guide on padala expectations)

Red flag to watch for: If she’s pushing you to send money before you’ve even met in person, that’s NOT traditional ligaw — that’s a scam. Real ligaw involves patience and getting to know each other, not emergency cash requests.

What Ligaw is NOT

Let me clear up some BS misconceptions I see foreign guys spreading online:

❌ “Ligaw means I have to give her money”

Wrong. Traditional ligaw involves thoughtful gestures — flowers, snacks, small gifts when you visit. It does NOT mean Western Union transfers every week. If she’s demanding cash, that’s not courtship culture. That’s something else.

❌ “I can skip ligaw if we met online”

Nope. The medium changes (online vs. offline), but the cultural expectations don’t disappear. Her family still expects you to prove yourself.

❌ “Ligaw is just the Philippines being backward”

Hard no. It’s a different culture with different values. Filipino culture prioritizes family approval and long-term commitment over individual dating freedom. It’s not worse or better — it’s just different. Don’t be that ignorant expat who shits on local traditions.

Ligaw vs. Western Dating: The Biggest Differences

Aspect	Western Dating	Filipino Ligaw
Family Involvement	Meet parents after months	Meet parents within weeks
Physical Intimacy	Expected early on	Minimal until official relationship
Timeline	Exclusive after 4-6 weeks	Courtship can last 6-12 months
Privacy	One-on-one dates normal	Chaperones often present
End Goal	See where it goes	Marriage is the assumed goal
Breakup	Personal decision	Family’s opinion matters heavily

If you can’t handle these differences, don’t date Filipinas. Seriously. You’ll just waste her time and piss off her family.

How to Actually Succeed at Ligaw

After 10+ years watching foreign guys navigate this, here’s what works:

DO:

✅ Ask her father’s permission to court his daughter
✅ Bring pasalubong (gifts like snacks or treats) when visiting the family
✅ Learn basic Tagalog greetings — “Magandang umaga po” goes a long way
✅ Attend family gatherings without complaining
✅ Be patient with the timeline
✅ Show financial stability without flashing cash

DON’T:

❌ Rush physical intimacy — big turn-off for traditional families
❌ Badmouth Filipino culture or compare everything to “how we do it back home”
❌ Ignore her family — they’re part of the package
❌ Love bomb then disappear — consistency matters more than grand gestures
❌ Treat her like a sex tourist conquest — you’ll be blacklisted faster than you can say “bar girl”

What Happens After Ligaw?

Once you’ve successfully completed ligaw and her family approves, congratulations — you’re officially together.

But don’t think the family involvement stops there. You’re now expected to:

• Include her family in major life decisions
• Continue showing respect and involvement in family events
• Seriously consider marriage within a reasonable timeframe (not 5 years of “just dating”)

In Filipino culture, successful ligaw leads to engagement, not endless casual dating.

If you’re not ready for that level of commitment, be honest upfront. Don’t string her along through months of ligaw only to bail when marriage talk comes up.

For more on what comes next, check out my guides on:

• Pamamanhikan: The Formal Proposal Visit
• Marrying a Filipina: Complete Guide
• What Filipinas Expect from Foreign Men

The Bottom Line on Ligaw

Ligaw isn’t some outdated ritual you can ignore because you’re a modern Western guy.

It’s a deeply ingrained cultural practice that determines whether a Filipino family will accept you. Fight it, and you’ll lose her. Embrace it authentically, and you’ll earn genuine respect and a real shot at a lasting relationship.

Is it slower than swiping and hooking up back home? Absolutely.

Is it worth it if you’re serious about finding a real partner? 100%.

The guys I know who are happily married to Filipinas? They all respected ligaw, even when it felt uncomfortable or old-fashioned. The guys who tried to skip it or rush through it? Most of them are still single and bitter, wondering why “Filipino women are complicated.”

Filipino women aren’t complicated. You just didn’t bother learning the rules.

FAQ

How long does ligaw usually last?
Typically 3-12 months, depending on the family’s level of trust and how seriously you approach the courtship. Long-distance relationships may take longer since in-person interaction is limited.

Can I skip ligaw if my Filipina girlfriend is modern and Westernized?
Even modern Filipinas often respect ligaw to some degree, especially if they’re close with their family. Ask her directly what her family expects — don’t assume you can skip it.

What’s the difference between ligaw and just dating?
Ligaw is formal courtship with family involvement and a clear goal of marriage. Western “dating” is more casual and exploratory without guaranteed commitment. In the Philippines, you’re either in ligaw (serious) or just friends.

Do I need to give money during ligaw?
No. Traditional ligaw involves small, thoughtful gifts (flowers, snacks, pasalubong), not cash transfers. Be very wary if financial demands come up early — that’s not ligaw, that’s a red flag.

What if her family doesn’t approve of me during ligaw?
In Filipino culture, family approval is critical. If they don’t approve, you have two options: work harder to earn their trust, or accept that the relationship may not move forward. Filipinas rarely go against their family’s wishes for a romantic relationship.